theponderingspeck

Looking up.

I questioned the point of my existence today. I did not feel like I was doing anything that mattered. I felt insignificant. I also felt exhausted – tired of always being the one to reach out to others. However, I believe this quality is a great part of who I am. Maybe it was a part of who I was, and I suppose I am tired of being my old self. This led me to go back to my previous blog posts and read what I have been feeling for the past few years, and it became clear to me. I just needed inspiration.

When I’m outside, I make it to a point that I look above at the moon and the stars. Being under the night sky with the stars overhead and realizing that I am only a small part of the universe, and there are still so much that I don’t know about. For some reason, this makes me feel more alive for many reasons. It fuels my curiosity because there are a lot of things that I can still learn about. Each time, I’m more thankful for my existence than the moments before looking up. Sometimes I forget the magnitude of my problems is so much smaller compared to the universe and get caught up in my own world, in my problems. As a reminder to myself for the times I’m feeling uninspired, I decided to start a new blog to help with and to track my growth. I want to be able to see the problems I overcame to tell myself that if I survived something like that, then I can live through another. Also to be reminded that sometimes things present themselves as huge problems at the time, and sometimes they are not really a big deal. However, they still serve some purpose.

I guess it’s all a matter of perspective. When we look down on the ground and there are a lot of things and creatures smaller than us, making us feel much bigger than we really are. By looking up and around we can get a new perspective on the world and of ourselves.

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Purpose.

Each person strives to reach a goal, or multiple goals. Sometimes we pause, then there are times when we have to stop completely at our tracks. During these times, I tend to reflect on my actions and the reasonings behind them. Do I still want to work for the same goals? It can become redundant at times, a little robotic even. For this very reason, I question my purpose in life. Does doing the same things over and over again to reach the goals that I’m working for justify the act? Should I be doing more things to be more helpful to the community, or should I continue working on what I’m doing? I guess having a sense of what my purpose in life is would help direct and motivate me to strive for my goals. Lately, I just haven’t been feeling like I have a purpose… I’m craving affection from those who love me. I’m craving their company and support. Maybe that’s really what’s missing from my life right now. I’m surrounded by people who don’t really care about me, and people I don’t care about. We’re all going through the motions, all trying to reach our goals. Maybe I need the people who love me to remind me of my purpose and why I’m working for my goals. The people who love me are the people I love, and being in their presence makes me work a little harder. Seeing them makes everything I do less selfish because I’m reminded that, yes, I am doing this for myself, but also the people who love me.

“Not everything is supposed to become something beautiful and long-lasting. Sometimes people come into your life to show you what is right and what is wrong, to show you who you can be, to teach you to love yourself, to make you feel better for a little while, or to just be someone to walk with at night and spill your life to. Not everyone is going to stay forever, and we still have to keep going and thank them for what they’ve given us.”

“Sometimes you meet someone, and it’s so clear that the two of you, on some level belong together. As lovers, or as friends, or as family, or as something entirely different. You just work, whether you understand one another or you’re in love, or you’re partners in crime. You meet these people throughout your life, out of nowhere, under the strangest circumstances, and they help you feel alive. I don’t know if that makes me believe in coincidence,  or fate, or sheer blind luck, but it definitely makes me believe in something.”

“The word ‘romance’ according to the dictionary, means excitement, adventure, and something extremely real. Romance should last a lifetime.”

No to negativity.

Harboring negative emotions towards another human being will never benefit you. All it does is waste your time and effort on something trivial. Therefore, if you come across a disagreeable person don’t even spend the time being mad. Just remember what happened and if it’s someone you regularly interact with be as civil as possible. There’s no need to try to be their friend. Know that although you can’t get along with that person that does not mean you can’t tolerate being around them. Sometimes it’s good to practice tolerance. You can also just try not to cross paths with the person. Hatred is unnecessary. Why worry yourself with things that don’t matter when you can spend that time being happy and grateful?

“When we meet real tragedy in life, we can react in two ways – either by losing hope and falling into self-destructive habits, or by using the challenge to find our strengths.”