Eye of the Storm.
It’s been eight months since I first wrote about you. It amazes me how you manage to surpass my expectations almost every single time. Despite being 6000+ miles away, you calmed me down during the times I felt worthless and inadequate when things aren’t going too well in school. You are always there to comfort me when my brain cells are fried from endless amounts of studying. I am very grateful to have someone with enough patience to deal with me during this time of high stress who not only cares about my physical health, but my emotional health as well.
Being apart from each other is hard to handle in and of itself, but there are times when I make it harder when I get emotional and ask why you aren’t here with me. I know being unable to do anything, except offer words of consolation, makes you feel helpless… because that’s the same way I feel when I receive your messages telling me how you long for me to be by your side. My heart drops and breaks in these situations. However, I believe that it will all be worth the wait, although only God knows how long that wait will be.
In addition to being overwhelmed by the distance, there have been instances when the stress of school got to me that I’ve gotten mad at you because of silly little things. I beat myself up for all those times because you didn’t deserve them for all the things that you’ve done for me and I cried so much because I didn’t feel like I deserve you. Even as I sit here and write about them, I think about how ungrateful it is of me to treat you that way, even briefly.
Yet, you remain to be patient and continue to understand me.
I never thought that I could love someone as much as I love you, but what is more astonishing is how someone can love me as much as you do. I have fears that one day one of us will get tired of the distance, but those fears vanish whenever I hear your voice and when I recall your attempt to convince me that long distance is worth a shot. I do believe that having this distance between us and the opportunity to see each other once in a while is still so much better than waiting and settling for someone to come along in close proximity. With you, despite the thousands of miles that separates as, I am home and there’s nothing else that I can ask for.
Thank you for being the eye of the storm, for being the calm in the center of this turbulent phase called grad school.