Old Journal Entry.

by hera

Having existed for almost twenty years on the face of this planet, I never once found myself spending so much of my time talking to and spending time with someone of the opposite sex who is worth risking my heart for. I guess, reading fairy tales and watching Cinderella and other Disney movies tirelessly made me have high standards. Seeing the great relationship of my parents while growing up also made me believe in love. They definitely made me see the importance of working together as partners to keep the relationship strong.

Being in college, and living on my own, I got to experience life from a different perspective. I was still indifferent about love until the fall of sophomore year when you walked into the room. It was as if fate tapped me on the shoulder and said, “That is him. He is the one.” I’ve seen you before, but I had doubts so I brushed it off. Class ended, but we did not speak at all.

The next week, you asked if the seat next to me was taken and from then on it was you and me. However, I thought that it was nothing romantic. I thought you were cute, and the more I got to know you, the more I thought of you.

I thought of you when I would study, and remember the clever and stupid, but funny, things you said in class. I thought of you when your name would appear on my phone or computer, and wonder why you would talk to me instead of doing other things. I thought of you when I’m driving alone listening to the radio because you told me when we were on our way to dinner that one time after class that you don’t like country.

I thought of you a lot, but I knew I should stop thinking about you.

When the semester was coming to an end, I was afraid that our “friendship” would end along with it. Afterall, there would be no reason for us to talk because we wouldn’t have any classes together and I would never see you around because I managed to not see you for the whole first year of college, no matter how small the university is, what would be the difference then? (Besides the fact that I can and have to spend more time on campus)

I don’t see myself as the typical girl-next-door, and you are my definition of “Mr. Right.” There was no reason for you to talk to someone like me. You just seemed too out of my league. I tried to come up with ways to talk to you when winter break started, but I ran out of excuses after grades were out. Spring semester began and although I wanted to talk to you, I didn’t want to creep you out. I finally found a good reason to talk to you, and that was when our regular exchanges began. I felt as if we were actually friends, instead of acquaintances who stuck with each other because it was convenient. You shared things about your life, and we messaged each other late at night. You asked me to hang out, and it made me happy to be in your presence.

Right now I’m not quite sure what’s going on, but I like things the way they are.

I want you in my life. It doesn’t have to be anything romantic. I want to be in your life, even as a friend. It would be a great loss if someone like you would be gone from my life forever. I have never made a connection with someone similar to what we have.

I have always believed in destiny and love. In my hopeless romantic world, it would be you and me, once we are ready to settle down. Sadly, the world does not work that way. I’m not really sure of what we are and what we have or if there’s even a slight chance of us ever dating. I’m not one to read between the lines, but I feel that this is something special. I’d still be happy even if we are only meant to be friends because I’m pretty darn lucky to have met someone like you. Without you, I wouldn’t have known that someone can actually meet everything in the long list of things that I look for in a man.

What we are does not matter at the moment because I’m grateful for whatever we have. You have restored my faith in love. Because of you, I am inclined to believe that romance still exists.